Pressing the pause button on your mouth can work wonders

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our mouths can get us into trouble and cause conflict if we open them without thinking. Sometimes we could do with a pause button on them.

Here’s a question to think about: how many times have you put your foot in it, or created conflict with somebody in your organisation, because you’ve said something before thinking about it?

If you’ve answered truthfully, it’s probably happened a good few times. We can all have a tendency to pick up on points we don’t like or agree with in meetings and make a comment without a second thought, or act defensively under pressure or we think we’re being attacked.

The trouble with our mouths is that words can tumble out of them before the rational bit of the brain kicks in leaving us at the mercy of the emotional, reactionary bit that can get us into trouble. At times like these, it pays to hit the pause button on your mouth.

What we mean by this is stopping for a second or two to consider what’s been said and how to answer it. It’s a technique used by lots of people in the public eye, particularly MPs, most of whom are skilled at sidestepping difficult questions. Instead of an awkward silence, many expert mouth-pausers use a few ‘erms’ and ‘ahs’ or have a stock phrase they throw out before actually talking.

They also think about their body language, tone of voice and inflection when they start speaking again too. All good tips.

Not engaging the pause button can lead to many things. There’s regret when you wish you’d said – or hadn’t said – something. You might also feel that you didn’t put your point across exactly as you wanted or didn’t communicate a really important message strongly enough because you were put off your stride by a comment someone made.

These can all be recovered from – you can call another meeting to clarifying things or send an email. What’s more damaging is the conflict with people in your team, particularly those you rely on or really value. Leadership is about relationships and sometimes leaders’ words can damage relationships.

If you know this might happen, that’s when that pause button comes in handy. It allows you to collect your thoughts and carefully consider what to say. Don’t retaliate when someone in your team says something you don’t want to hear. And don’t rely on a witty or off-the-wall reply as others might not see the funny side of your words.

There’s also no time limit on how long the pause button has to stay pressed for either. If you don’t know how to reply to someone without potentially causing a conflict, tell them you’ll come back to them in an hour, tomorrow, next week, whenever you need to. Giving them a well-thought out, calm response is usually much better than an ill-considered one in the heat of the moment, even if the answer is a bit late (in their eyes anyway).

Truly great leaders are those that know exactly when to press the pause button. They consider every word before they speak or answer any question. It’s not just to avoid conflict, although this is really important as we’ve already said, it’s also to keep their organisation’s, as well as their own, reputation intact. Often they’re judged on every word as well as action, so even seemingly inconsequential comments or throwaway statements can be hugely damaging.

If only Gerald Ratner had pressed his pause button when talking about his organisation’s jewellery hey?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s a question to think about: how many times have you put your foot in it, or created conflict with somebody in your organisation, because you’ve said something before thinking about it?

If you’ve answered truthfully, it’s probably happened a good few times. We can all have a tendency to pick up on points we don’t like or agree with in meetings and make a comment without a second thought, or act defensively under pressure or we think we’re being attacked.

The trouble with our mouths is that words can tumble out of them before the rational bit of the brain kicks in leaving us at the mercy of the emotional, reactionary bit that can get us into trouble. At times like these, it pays to hit the pause button on your mouth.

What we mean by this is stopping for a second or two to consider what’s been said and how to answer it. It’s a technique used by lots of people in the public eye, particularly MPs, most of whom are skilled at sidestepping difficult questions. Instead of an awkward silence, many expert mouth-pausers use a few ‘erms’ and ‘ahs’ or have a stock phrase they throw out before actually talking.

They also think about their body language, tone of voice and inflection when they start speaking again too. All good tips.

Not engaging the pause button can lead to many things. There’s regret when you wish you’d said – or hadn’t said – something. You might also feel that you didn’t put your point across exactly as you wanted or didn’t communicate a really important message strongly enough because you were put off your stride by a comment someone made.

These can all be recovered from – you can call another meeting to clarifying things or send an email. What’s more damaging is the conflict with people in your team, particularly those you rely on or really value. Leadership is about relationships and sometimes leaders’ words can damage relationships.

If you know this might happen, that’s when that pause button comes in handy. It allows you to collect your thoughts and carefully consider what to say. Don’t retaliate when someone in your team says something you don’t want to hear. And don’t rely on a witty or off-the-wall reply as others might not see the funny side of your words.

There’s also no time limit on how long the pause button has to stay pressed for either. If you don’t know how to reply to someone without potentially causing a conflict, tell them you’ll come back to them in an hour, tomorrow, next week, whenever you need to. Giving them a well-thought out, calm response is usually much better than an ill-considered one in the heat of the moment, even if the answer is a bit late (in their eyes anyway).

Truly great leaders are those that know exactly when to press the pause button. They consider every word before they speak or answer any question. It’s not just to avoid conflict, although this is really important as we’ve already said, it’s also to keep their organisation’s, as well as their own, reputation intact. Often they’re judged on every word as well as action, so even seemingly inconsequential comments or throwaway statements can be hugely damaging.

If only Gerald Ratner had pressed his pause button when talking about his organisation’s jewellery hey?